Thursday, December 24, 2009

catch up #2


Update on finals, needless to say, I did horrible. I worked so hard for the past year to pick up my grades but this quarter just destroyed all my hard work and hours of studying. I was really disappointed. I know my future will not depend on 3 digits, but really it does. Graduate school is going to judge me base on my numbers and with not so hot numbers will get me into nowhere. There are so many different aspects to consider and I just feel overwhelm sometimes.

After the first post, I thought of abandoning this whole blogging business. I was a bit hesitant to publish the post because I didn't think it would matter. However, I read all the comments that were left on my first post, it reassured me that starting this blog was not a mistake. A specific blogger really influenced my decision. I caught up with his blog today and it really touched me, Thank you. I agree that our meeting was not a mistake.

Finally updates on my dad, since the last posts we had two appointments already. The first appointment was the long anticipated one, it was the appt following news about the relapse. The m-spike remained 0.6 (same as the one I received lab reports from, they were taken a week apart). We will do another SPEP next Tuesday. During that appt, the dr and NP discussed a number of things. The NP was the one who told my dad about the m-spike and I think my dad took it pretty well. He also went over what the plan is next, and the dr came in after to talk to us. The Dr. said my dad will not benefit from another transplant in the future since it didn't help much this time. He also suggested that my dad should enter a clinical trial, Rev, Carfizamib, and Dex.

This appointment was one of the most touching and memorable for me. I never showed any fear and weakness at any dr appt with my dad, but for once I did. I told the dr. that I was scared. He told me he can't fight this alone and he needs my dad and I to fight with him. He reassured me that he will take good care of my dad and things will be ok. He saw it in my eyes that I was about to cry, he quickly told me to go out of the room and to give him a hug so I will not cry in front of my dad (we didn't go out of the room, he hugged me right there but thankfully I didn't cry). He also told me that I can't show my fear and never to cry in front of my dad (yes, this was all happening in front of my dad but he can't understand us. Sometimes being oblivious can be a good thing). From that moment on, I knew we were in good hands.

The second appt, which was last Friday, our nurse NP was sick so we had another dr who we met when we had our transplant. He was a nice man but not as personable and encouraging as my dad’s regular doc. He told us that my dad is not yet eligible for the clinical trial because his m-protein and platelets were too low for the study. Hence, next Tuesday my dad will get a stem cell boost, he will get the rest of his stem cells reinfused since a second transplant will not be beneficial. Also, my dad's stem cell collection was really little. He collected about 3.94 million altogether, which is only enough for one, but he was given half of it back during the transplant so we have the other half stored. My dad's regular dr and the dr we were seeing that day agreed to give him the rest of the cells back to build his bone marrow for the trial (to get his platelets up). My dad also got the regular flu and H1N1 flu shots. On our way out, I saw a lady that I meet at one of the support group meetings. They were waiting for our dr. who was on hospital duty (we also have the same dr). We have been in contact with each other for the past couple of months and we've built quite a friendship, despite the age difference. Her dad also had an aSCT this year, only a month before my dad. We supported each other through emails. We introduced our fathers to each other and they talked, it was really cute. Her father was the first mm patient my dad met who he can communicate with. 

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad I found your blog. My daddy was recently diagnosed and I can honestly say I know just how you feel. You sure are carrying a heavy burden to be so young. I know your parents are proud of you and so glad to have you. I am just a little older (ok so about the hit the big 3-0 :) so maybe we could support each other. I would love to hear from you.